Yesterday was one of those days where I felt something.
It felt like I had a baby and it was her/his birthday, and all had come together.
My love for my child, if he/she exists is so grand. Its a fortunate miracle that I feel this child within my heart, regardless of me never been able to be in contact with my dearest child.
Bina however has all rights to this, to be secure about not allowing me to be a Father. For the past 5years or so, I have been unbalanced and generally seem to be knocked down easily. I do tend to get back up each-time.
I am proud of Bina, she has come along way considering what I have put her through. She has been ever so strong and heart seems to be eager to fight. I love this about her, always have.
It is usually this time of year where I tend to spiral out and do something stupid like message her. Or be recklessness and tendencies to be an asshole.
I wont make the mistake of messaging her this year, I this year will write in this blog instead, and from now on too.
I felt very emotionally connected yesterday, not even sure why. If I do have a Child, maybe someday this Child will be proud to call me a Dad. Maybe my Child has already got a Dad to be proud of
If you, Bina are reading this- Please write back. The heartache cannot be replaced, but we can move forward from this place. Every step is a win and neither of us are losers.
So good-morning to you on this very beautiful day!